


Always On My Mind

by sunlights



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Mpreg, Seriously major spoilers please skip if you haven't watched Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 00:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18649516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlights/pseuds/sunlights
Summary: Steve sighed, right hand going to his swollen stomach and rubbing it. At least one part of Tony would always remain with Steve. And one day he'd get to tell their son or daughter all about their father; the best man Steve had a chance of knowing. The man Steve would always love.





	Always On My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Stony feels got me and suddenly I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Endgame broke me I'll never recover.

If there was one thing that Steve Rogers was familiar with was reminiscing. Someone that woke up 70 years in the future had to be professional at being nostalgic and fondly - and sometimes not so much - thinking about the past. 

 

Steve had done more of that for the past seven months than in the years since he had woken up from the ice. 

 

It had to be said that thanks to Steve's therapist he now knew how to deal with his grief and longing in a much healthier way. Of course, risking his life was out of the question now regardless. But was nice to instead of doing something that could potentially kill Steve without a second thought, he could simply draw, go for walks and be an active part of groups that helped people that lost loved ones. 

 

But for most of it, Steve had been drawing. A lot. He always enjoyed drawing places more than people. There was something about trying to capture people that he could never quite do in a satisfying way. That had changed. 

 

Steve had filled notebooks with people. Well, one person. 

 

Tony was everywhere. In the arrogant smirk, he had when they first met up after capturing Loki to the relaxed sweet smile on his face the morning they woke up in bed together for the last time. 

 

Tony had finally figured out a safe way to time travel, they knew they might be together for the last time. After the sex, while they were sticky, sweaty and tired, Steve had been hugged by Tony in a way the alpha had only done before the Accords. In a protective manner but still tender, like he was scared Steve would slip away from his arms. 

 

Steve had looked up at Tony, still feeling that delicious ache of Tony's knot inside of him, sad that the bruises of their lovemaking was fading but knowing they had been there. He looked at Tony and said the words he never thought he'd be allowed to say again. 

 

"I love you." 

 

Simple as that, nothing more was said because nothing else needed to. And that was when Tony smiled at him in the sweetest of ways and said it back. Right there and then was like they were alone in the world. Nothing could hurt them. All the anger and bitterness forgotten, they had finally found each other again. 

  
  
  
  


Steve wasn't surprised was short-lived. He did always think he'd be the one to go through, not Tony. He never considered a world without the man. Steve in the other hand deep down never felt like he belonged, he was supposed to die like every one of his time. Natasha, Sam and having Bucky back helped but it was always there in the back of his mind. 

 

In Tony's arms for the very last time, it truly felt like home, like this day and age was his as well. 

 

Steve knew his therapist would say was the unhealthy place the idea of belonging to a person, especially considering he was gone but Tony Stark was his home. He had not only given Steve a home but for all these years he was the one Steve came back to. 

 

Even during their fallout with the Accords Steve had longed to him. And now that Tony was gone for real Steve felt like losing everything he had once more. Like he lost his purpose. 

 

But then a miracle happened. Five weeks after Tony died, Steve's doctor announced he was expecting. 

 

Once there was a talk about having kids but that had been so long ago. And even then Tony was really hesitant, scared he'd screw up as Howard had. After the snap, with how strained things had remained with them, how both were being too stubborn and didn't want to be the first one to make a move. 

 

Steve would like to think they didn't have enough time. But the thing is they probably did and wasted because they were too proud and too hurt. 

 

Steve didn't want to imagine how different things would've been in these five years if one of them made the move sooner nor did he like to picture what would've happened if someone else sacrificed themselves. End of the day Tony was the one who was gone and Steve was left behind with his broken empty heart. 

 

_ Not for long though _ , Steve thought, letting the feel of their child pushing and kicking inside of him to wash him over. 

 

Steve sighed, right hand going to his swollen stomach and rubbing it. At least one part of Tony would always remain with Steve. And one day he'd get to tell their son or daughter all about their father; the best man Steve had a chance of knowing. The man Steve would always love.

 

Steve looked down, for the first time since he arrived at the cemetery. With Tony's name, the year he was both to a year of death and "Friend. Hero. Father" following it. 

 

They haven't known what they should put on Tony's gravestone, there was the talk of something snarky, he'd probably like something that would make people chuckle. Maybe even "I am Iron Man," to match some of his last words before he was gone. But they settled for that. 

 

Steve had been the one to suggest father, thinking of Tony's relationship with Peter Parker and how devastated he had been when the kid had died. Steve smiled how truly fitting it was, especially now. 

 

"Hi," Steve stopped as soon as that first word was out. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. He hasn't visited the cemetery since they put Tony there. He couldn't. 

 

Steve's therapist seemed to think that could give him closure. Saying the things he wished to say all along but never got around to. Now Steve didn't know if he could do it, words stuck in his throat, making it close up.

 

The omega took a deep breath in, trying to ground himself. He could walk away, the point of this wasn't pushing himself past what he couldn't handle, it was supposed to help him in the path to healing.

 

Steve felt himself relax as he closed his eyes, recalling Tony's scent. The mix of oil and spices, it was always so unique and  _ so _ Tony. Steve still slept with his head on Tony's pillow even with his scent long gone. 

 

He could do it. He could. 

 

"Hi," he started again, "sorry I have visited sooner. Guess I wasn't ready yet. I am now though." 

 

Steve rubbed his stomach, gaining strength from their child moving within him. 

 

"I always have been great at speeches to up the morale of the team, to give them hope and here I am, in what is the most important monologue of my life and I'm all choked up," Steve chuckled even though wasn't funny.

 

"First I just wanted to say everyone is doing pretty okay. Peter will be graduating next year, he's stressed about going to college but he's doing well, not pushing himself too hard, still being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. He misses you a lot though, I hope you know how much you meant for him and how he still looks up to you in more ways than one.

 

Rhodey is the new team leader by the way. Though now that I retired it was fitting, he's already much better than I was even if he won't admit. Pepper and Happy are both okay, they set a date for the wedding. And Harley has been visiting when he has college breaks. He'd make you proud, already making a name for himself in MIT."

 

Steve stopped, looking around, a gentle breeze made Steve feel at easy. If he felt like it smelled like oil in it was probably just his mind playing tricks on him.

 

"I-- the baby is also doing fine. I haven't got the chance to tell you about it, hell, I didn't know it myself. You'd probably freak if you knew I was fighting Thanos while carrying the whole time. Sam and Bucky definitely weren't happy about it," Steve smiled thinking of how overprotective his best friends have been since he told them about the baby. 

 

"I don't know the gender, didn't care to know. I'll be happy either way. If was a girl though I was thinking of naming her Sarah Maria. After our mothers. Bucky and Sam have been calling their names for a middle name it is a boy. I got to say that James is tempting because would please both Bucky and Rhodey though," Steve smiled, their friends and they having Steve's back had been one of the main things pulling him up from the dark places his mind constantly tried to drag him to. 

 

"I wish we had enjoyed the time we had left together to the fullest. Wish I haven't been so proud, I should've tried to reach harder, but I was being stubborn and you were too and I didn't want to give up and that is something I will always regret.

 

I'm sorry for keeping the truth about your parents from you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when we lost. I'm sorry I took for granted your love for me so many times. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how much I admired the man you are. I'm sorry you can't be here to see the man Peter is growing to be and the child you should see growing up and help me raise and guide. 

 

I'm sorry I said you weren't a hero because you, Tony Stark, is the bravest man I've had the honor to know and love and you've done so much for all of us and sadly we will never be able to thank you."

 

Steve felt the tears running down but he ignored. Now that he started he couldn't stop, at least not yet. 

 

"I wish you were here with us. You should take responsibility, who else I'm going to threaten during birth?" Steve made a weird noise, a mix of a sob with laughing. 

 

"I'll get to tell this kid all about you though. How you were the kindest of us. Heart big enough to make the ultimate sacrifice, giving us all a living chance. Giving this child a living chance. I wish you would be here for them. I can't help but imagine a miniature version of you, tinkling in the workshop. Going around the house cracking open machines just to see how they work.

 

I know you'd probably not want another you but I do, Tony. Because I see you with the eyes of how you should always have seen yourself. Of the great man that didn't give up and back down and fought for what he believed. If this kid is half you, I will be a proud dad because I'll have raised them right."

 

"Everyone keeps talking about moving on and I'm trying, Tony. I hope you know that. I guess everyone has their own definition of moving on though. For me is looking back and being happy for what we had rather than what we didn't."

 

Steve crouched, touching the gravestone. 

 

"I love you, Tony. I always did, even when I fought you and when I hurt you, I loved you. And I forever will, with all my heart and my soul. I'm not sorry for what we didn't have anymore, rather I'm grateful. Grateful that I got to love and be loved by a wonderful man and we got to create something,  _ someone _ together." One of Steve's hand was on the gravestone as another touched his bump.

 

"And this baby will love you too, love the father that would've done absolutely everything for them and would've been the best father a man could be, doesn't matter if you thought otherwise."

 

Steve got up, taking on a final long breath. In and out. Feeling a heavy weight suddenly being lifted from his shoulders.

 

"I have to go, I have a doctor's appointment soon," even after he said there Steve stood still for a little while. There wasn't anyone there and was calming, the only sounds coming from dry leaves the wind had been blowing.

 

Steve finally walked away, Sam was probably waiting outside, having promised to go with Steve to his appointment. When Steve was almost out of the cemetery he looked behind, back at the grave.

 

Steve saw a shadow, it lasted one second but was there. Maybe that also had been his mind playing tricks on him. Trying to grab on to the idea that Tony was watching over him,  _ over them _ . 

 

He still smiled, whispered a final "I will always love you," and left.

 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> [I made a Tumblr to post and talk about my fics. Talk to me or send me prompts there!](https://harleyxpeter.tumblr.com)


End file.
